A Quick Reference guide to help you move from relationship conflict to relationship renewal

(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill)

(This version provides biblical insight to help you move from relationship conflict to relationship renewal)


R: Remove yourselves from each other. Call a Time Out!

“May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant support from Zion. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed” — Psalm 20:1–4

E: Explore how this happened and what needs repairing

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” Psalm 139:23–24

S: Spirituality: Breathe and pray for insight and compassion

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled” — John 14:26ff

E: Examine and share the most important point to you

“Gold there is, rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel”- Proverbs 20:15

T: Time to listen, appreciate and change what you can

“…Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. And over all these virtues, put on love…” — Colossians 3:12–14


R: Remember, your Spouse is not your Enemy!

“A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another” — John 13:34–35

E: Explore and share the lesson God wants you to receive

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance…The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline” — Proverbs 1:5, 7

N: “Kneel” and pray for (and) with your Spouse; Bless versus curse

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” — Luke 6:27–28

E: “Implement” immediate behavior that creates peace

“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit…Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness” — James 3:17–18

W: Work to create safe and empowering memories

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” — Psalm 51:10. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit…each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others” — Philippians 2:3–4

A few questions for your “RESET” and “RENEW”

1. Your thoughts about “RESET” (Part 1 and Part 2)? Anything for you to RESET to enhance your communication?

2. Your thoughts about “RENEW” (Part 1 and Part 2)? Anything for you to RENEW to enhance your communication?

TeleHealth/Video counseling sessions are available for those who prefer to meet online – Dr. McGill

Businesswoman presses button psychological counseling online on virtual screens. technology, internet and networking concept.

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About Dr Ken McGill

Dr. Ken McGill is an ordained minister and has been involved in counseling for more than 25 years. Dr. McGill holds a Bachelor's degree in Religion from Pacific Christian College (now Hope International University), a Certificate of Completion in the Alcohol and Drug Studies/Counseling Program from the University of California at Los Angeles and a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Dr. McGill received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Psychology from Azusa Pacific University in May, 2003. Dr. McGill's dissertation focused on the development of an integrated treatment program for the sexually addicted homeless population, and Ken was "personally mentored" by dissertation committee member Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction work. Dr. McGill authored a chapter in the text The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction, with his chapter addressing the homeless and sex addiction. Dr. McGill is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the States of Texas and California and Mississippi, and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, through the International Institute for Trauma and Addictive Professionals (IITAP). Dr. McGill had a private practice in Glendora, CA (Aspen Counseling Center), Inglewood, CA (Faithful Central Bible Church), and Hattiesburg, MS (River of Life Church), specializing in the following areas with individuals, couples, families, groups and psychoeducational training: addictions and recovery, pre-marital, marital and family counseling, issues related to traumatization and abuse, as well as depression, grief, loss, anger management and men's and women's issues. Dr. McGill also provided psychotherapeutic treatment with Student-Athletes on the University of Southern Mississippi Football and Men's Basketball teams. Dr. McGill served as the Director of the Gentle Path Program, which is a seven-week residential program, for people who are challenged with sexual addiction, sexual anorexia, and relationship issues. Dr. McGill also supervised Doctoral students in the Southern Mississippi Psychology Internship Consortium with the University of Southern Mississippi. Dr. McGill was inducted into the Azusa Pacific University Academic Hall of Honor, School of Behavioral and Applied Sciences, in October, 2010. Dr. McGill currently works as a Private practice clinician with an office in Plano, Texas, providing treatment with people who are challenged in the areas mentioned above.


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