(An excerpt from Cultivating Love and Renewal by Dr Ken McGill)

The tools we use to grow love are many and varied in use and in function. We become aware of our need to have tools when adverse situations arise in our life (affairs, loss and grief, boundary failures, traumatization, etc.), or in times of joy (spiritual conversion, newly married, childbirth, etc.). The tools may be specific, concrete and “tangible” but our proficiency in using them correctly is usually due to our awareness of the “intangibles.”

Some “tangible” tools we use to cultivate love are: Affection, Changed Behavior, Counseling, Conferences, Church, Comfort, Physicians, Service Work, Self-Control, Spiritual Disciplines (Prayer, Reading [Inspirational] materials, Meditation, etc.) and 12-Step Fellowships. Some “intangible” tools we use to cultivate love are: Awareness, Acceptance, Communication, Compassion, Co-Operation, Devotion, Encouragement, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Humility, Investigation, Mercy, Patience, Personal Responsibility, Becoming “Safe,” Reconciling, Repairing, Romance, Speaking the Truth in Love, Thinking, Transparency and Understanding.

SI Exif

Isolation, Pride, Resentment, Schisms, Limited Insight, Abuse, Rage, Double-Mindedness, Strife and Immaturity all contribute to the failure of and destruction of any good work in the garden of your life. Overall, a lack of personal responsibility, a lack of partnership and “squandering of the gift” (not working diligently in this season of opportunity) will facilitate the slow death of any row or possibly the whole garden.

Examine yourself — Where is your current focus? What recalibration is needed in order to self-correct and re-engage in and complete this most important work? What is the payoff for continued neglect and a lack of self-care? All behavior has a function and it is dysfunctional if the outcome is a lack of fruitfulness, love and growth. Can these dry fields come back to life? Absolutely, but not without hard work and a commitment to continue this work until healing, maturation and growth is realized.

Remember, “NIKE”™ encourages us to “just do it.” The Greek word from which NIKE™ originates means “victory.” Work harder, work smarter, just do it and experience the victory (fruitful changes in your behavior) that comes with your hard work. Cultivate healthy and focused romance, intimacy, touch, renewal, intercourse and commitment.

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About Dr Ken McGill

Dr. Ken McGill is an ordained minister and has been involved in counseling for more than 25 years. Dr. McGill holds a Bachelor's degree in Religion from Pacific Christian College (now Hope International University), a Certificate of Completion in the Alcohol and Drug Studies/Counseling Program from the University of California at Los Angeles and a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Dr. McGill received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Psychology from Azusa Pacific University in May, 2003. Dr. McGill's dissertation focused on the development of an integrated treatment program for the sexually addicted homeless population, and Ken was "personally mentored" by dissertation committee member Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction work. Dr. McGill authored a chapter in the text The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction, with his chapter addressing the homeless and sex addiction. Dr. McGill is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the States of Texas and California and Mississippi, and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, through the International Institute for Trauma and Addictive Professionals (IITAP). Dr. McGill had a private practice in Glendora, CA (Aspen Counseling Center), Inglewood, CA (Faithful Central Bible Church), and Hattiesburg, MS (River of Life Church), specializing in the following areas with individuals, couples, families, groups and psychoeducational training: addictions and recovery, pre-marital, marital and family counseling, issues related to traumatization and abuse, as well as depression, grief, loss, anger management and men's and women's issues. Dr. McGill also provided psychotherapeutic treatment with Student-Athletes on the University of Southern Mississippi Football and Men's Basketball teams. Dr. McGill served as the Director of the Gentle Path Program, which is a seven-week residential program, for people who are challenged with sexual addiction, sexual anorexia, and relationship issues. Dr. McGill also supervised Doctoral students in the Southern Mississippi Psychology Internship Consortium with the University of Southern Mississippi. Dr. McGill was inducted into the Azusa Pacific University Academic Hall of Honor, School of Behavioral and Applied Sciences, in October, 2010. Dr. McGill currently works as a Private practice clinician with an office in Plano, Texas, providing treatment with people who are challenged in the areas mentioned above.

Category

addiction, affair, christian, communication, Daily Bread for Addressing Compulsion, emotions, family, feelings, forgiven, grief, health, hurt, loss, love, marriage, men, psychology, recover, recovery, relationship, relationships, self-help, sex addiction, sober, sobriety, spiritual growth, spirituality, theology, women