Download a printer-friendly PDF of the Triple A’s of Loving Yourself and the Triple P’s of Loving Your Neighbor


Use this quick-reference chart to prepare your mind to create then employ the best cognitive (and spiritual and emotional) strategies to generate peace and passion with those you love. As mentioned in previous posts, give yourself time and grace to develop these worthwhile tasks, which leads to the production of sweet, beautiful, tasty and nutritious love! 


P: Prepare a place in your home, head, and heart where silence facilitates calm to regulate your body, focus to hear your thoughts, awareness to identify your feelings and empathy to share with others.

R: “Re-mind” yourself and use communication tools (Time-OutABC’s of Conflict ResolutionPractical behaviors of Empathy) prior to your encounters to enhance your ability to create successful outcomes.

E: One of the greatest gifts you could give to others is to preview the Ten Steps for Emotional Self-Awareness tool. This tool increases your ability to be Safe, See others, and to empathetically provide Soothing behavior to others when appropriate or needed.

P: Remember your Purpose! It’s never to scorch the earth of your partner’s heart, but to communicate respectfully and to Differentiate, by giving equal value and understanding to your collective thoughts and feelings. 

A: Since you’re reviewing valuable tools to prepare yourself for encounters and conversations you’ll have, I encourage you to review the “Triple A’s of Loving Yourself.” Do the Adult work to Assess where you need to change, Attend to your own Healing, and focus on growing Attunement with the other person(s).

R: Prepare to write/Re-write inclusive “Me to We” relationship narratives to grow relationships seasoned with the mutual practice of Adult values that leave others feeling affirmed, valued, dignified, understood and loved.

E: Have you Evaluated your plans and processes to ensure your Agape-oriented Virtues and Values are forefront in your mind, where their practice will lead you closer to versus further from your goal(s)? 


P: When you talk, be Patient with one another. The Latin word Patiens means “I am suffering,” so in your conversations make sure you listen to, sit with, and understand the deep thoughts, feelings, and needs of your partner. 

E: One skill associated with Empathy is to “project yourself into what you observe.” Practice “Empatheia” by being curious and inquiring about the passion and suffering of others to know and comprehend it.

A: Acceptance (Nasar, Bahar) is accomplished when you’ve looked at and taken into your mind and heart the credible viewpoints of another. Do you understand, take in and accept the truth of another? 

C: Internal and interpersonal Peace is facilitated by the demonstration of Compassionate behavior that conveys your heart (and all of your innards!) is safe with me.  Are you demonstrating compassion? 

E: Encouragement, Empathy, Effort, Emotional Restitution, Equality and Esteem are all Empowering E’s that create peace and connection in a relationship. Make sure you incorporate these powerful E’s!


P: To the Ancient Greeks, Epithumia is the word used to describe all of the emotions of a person.  In your conversation(s) with your neighbor do you understand their hopes, dreams, fears, mistrust and goals? 

A: Use your energy to produce an “Awakened Mind,” which leads to enlightened, deliberate, mindful and intentional thoughts and decisions that considers the mutual well-being of yourself and others. 

S: Build/rebuild relationships by creating Secure Attachments. Secure Attachments are built with the practice of behaviors that help your body, mind, soul and spirit feel SafeSeenSoothed, and Secure.

S: In addition to the above-mentioned 4 S’s, what other S’s will you focus on developing for mutual benefit: Support, Solitude, Simplicity, Service, Spirituality, Sensuality, Solutions or Self-Control? 

I: Having one’s intimacy needs met are prime motivators of their behavior. Are you engaging in the Adult Mode work of  Intimacy Building Behaviors to build a positive upward spiral between you two?

O: Don’t get too “Other-Focused” when it comes to meeting your needs. Discuss if, what and how the other person could help toward need fulfillment, but remember, self-care is your responsibility, but…

N: …Do focus on how you could cultivate, Nurture then give and receive reasonable expressions of love to others! Use your energy to cultivate connection and nourishing outcomes versus withdrawal or retaliation. 


X: “X” Factor: What are the relationship “2.0” values and behaviors that reflect an upgrade in how you think, talk to and treat each other?  What indicates you’re giving your partner gold medal behavior

T: Remember, its ok to schedule or call a  “Time-Out to take a Time-In” to deliver calm to your brain and body when you need time to generate insight regarding how to best cultivate love for each other.

R: Remember to Repeat any healthy suggestions that make sense to the two of you, as the repetition stimulates neuronal growth in your brain. Remember, the cells that fire together will wire together!

A: An “Awakened Mind” creates the “wow” because it loves uncommonly, brainstorms options other don’t see, infuses purpose with passion, commits versus resigning, and produces the extraordinary.

!: Please ensure the behaviors you produce and practice are heavily influenced by the 18 Healthy Adult Morals, Virtues and Values!  The practice of these characteristics builds up the recipient profoundly!

Suggested Activity: Spend some time contemplating the Triple P’s to Loving Your Neighbor. In your reflection, what have you discovered about yourself and your relationship(s) where the practice of these principles could assist you to author new, positive and constructive outcomes for yourself and others? What responsibility will you take and what specifically do you see yourself doing to facilitate the behavior changes suggested with the Triple P’s? Focus on these areas of improvement and growth, and make sure you celebrate the positive experiences and outcomes that accompany loving your neighbor as yourself!

Skill to developThe ability to demonstrate loving behaviors that repair and enhance your relationships. 

Next: Emotional #10: Your Emotional Healthy Adult Mode Behaviors (Part 1 – A Loving God) or Table of Contents.

Thanks for reading this excerpt from Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life. As time permits, please visit the other blogs written by Dr. Ken McGill: Daily Bread for Life and “3 – 2- 5 – 4 – 24” for additional information that could be helpful.

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About Dr Ken McGill

Dr. Ken McGill is an ordained minister and has been involved in counseling for more than 25 years. Dr. McGill holds a Bachelor's degree in Religion from Pacific Christian College (now Hope International University), a Certificate of Completion in the Alcohol and Drug Studies/Counseling Program from the University of California at Los Angeles and a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Dr. McGill received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Psychology from Azusa Pacific University in May, 2003. Dr. McGill's dissertation focused on the development of an integrated treatment program for the sexually addicted homeless population, and Ken was "personally mentored" by dissertation committee member Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction work. Dr. McGill authored a chapter in the text The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction, with his chapter addressing the homeless and sex addiction. Dr. McGill is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the States of Texas and California and Mississippi, and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, through the International Institute for Trauma and Addictive Professionals (IITAP). Dr. McGill had a private practice in Glendora, CA (Aspen Counseling Center), Inglewood, CA (Faithful Central Bible Church), and Hattiesburg, MS (River of Life Church), specializing in the following areas with individuals, couples, families, groups and psychoeducational training: addictions and recovery, pre-marital, marital and family counseling, issues related to traumatization and abuse, as well as depression, grief, loss, anger management and men's and women's issues. Dr. McGill also provided psychotherapeutic treatment with Student-Athletes on the University of Southern Mississippi Football and Men's Basketball teams. Dr. McGill served as the Director of the Gentle Path Program, which is a seven-week residential program, for people who are challenged with sexual addiction, sexual anorexia, and relationship issues. Dr. McGill also supervised Doctoral students in the Southern Mississippi Psychology Internship Consortium with the University of Southern Mississippi. Dr. McGill was inducted into the Azusa Pacific University Academic Hall of Honor, School of Behavioral and Applied Sciences, in October, 2010. Dr. McGill currently works as a Private practice clinician with an office in Plano, Texas, providing treatment with people who are challenged in the areas mentioned above.


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