Flavor #29: Gentleness/Emotional Regulation (Prautes)

(Complete list and links to the 31 Flavors of Wisdom)

Meaning, Essence, and Significance: The Greek term Prautes, often translated as “gentleness,” embodies strength under control.  According to Aristotle, Prautes represents the mean between excessive anger and a complete lack of it, signifying the ability to express anger appropriately, at the right time, in the right measure, for the right reason to obtain the right (and wise) outcome. This concept underscores that true gentleness is not weakness but a deliberate and thoughtful response to situations as they arise.

Your ability to emotionally regulate yourself will determine your effectiveness to “paint into reality” the appropriate response when your anger (or fear, or shame) threatens to catapult you away from “green zone behaviors,” and toward reactive responses that typically begets regret. Emotional regulation is your ability to manage and respond to your emotional experiences in healthy and constructive ways, and it involves recognizing your emotions, understanding their triggers, and choosing how to express them with awareness and control. Rather than suppressing (or maladaptively expressing) your feelings, emotional regulation has a better chance of occurring and succeeding when you use your Wisdom tools #3 – #6 to create safety, inner calm, regulation and subsequently the ability to provide a balanced, gentle and healthy adult mode response when you need to “paint it into existence” for the benefit of all.

Practical Appearance and Nutritional Value: In daily life, Prautes manifests as a calm and measured demeanor, especially in challenging situations. It’s achieved by regulating your emotions, which leads to maintaining composure, which helps you to recall then use your wisdom tools like “Pause – Think – Act,” which helps you to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. Growing gentleness fosters healthy communication and connection, diffuses conflicts, and builds trust in relationships. The “nutritional value” of Prautes and emotional regulation is realized due to their capacity to promote inner peace, enhance emotional intelligence, and cultivate an environment where mutual respect and understanding can flourish. By embodying this virtue, you’re able to contribute to your own well-being (1.5) and harmonious interactions (2.0). 

Who deserves some of this seasoning?  “My teenage son deserves the seasoning of Prautes-inspired gentleness more than anyone. The other day, he came home clearly overwhelmed, slamming his backpack down. In the past, I might have matched his frustration, but I’m learning to regulate my emotions. I took a deep breath, calmed myself, and stayed composed. Instead of reacting, I gently invited him to talk when ready. I kept my tone soft, remembering Prautes is strength under control, responding with the right emotion, at the right time, for the right reason. I didn’t need to fix anything, just be present and listen (#4) to him. That expression of gentleness created emotional safety, allowing him to open up about academic pressure and other stressors. In that moment, I saw how love, expressed wisely and humbly, doesn’t push; it patiently invites.”

So thanks again for looking at these 31 Flavors of Wisdom and hopefully, participating in the 31 Day Wisdom Challenge, and for reading this excerpt from Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life. As time permits, please visit the other blogs written by Dr. Ken McGill: Daily Bread for Life and “3–2- 5–4–24” for additional information that could be helpful.

Dr. Ken McGill, LMFT — Attachment Repair for Couples • Faith-Integrated Trauma Therapy in California • Healthy Adult Mode Therapy for High-Functioning Professionals. Dr. McGill provides attachment-focused therapy integrating psychology and spiritual formation for couples and individuals seeking structured growth, with telehealth available statewide in California and Texas and in-person sessions in Plano, TX. Learn more or schedule a session at drkenmcgill@live.com, www.drkenmcgill.com, or 972. 505. 6144.