Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship.
Couples who Recover (“CR”) work hard to create safe moments and calm between them, because they realize their discussions facilitate solutions when they are in their adult ego state.
CR understand the importance and the opportunity afforded to them to rebuild a marriage, and do not underestimate nor shy away from the amount of work that rebuilding will take.
CR create opportunities to deliver Agape Love to one another. They grow in and practice this unique form of love until it is a characteristic of their life and commonplace in their marriage.
CR create a “gratitude notebook,” which is a record of behaviors they notice their partner doing, and wish to acknowledge. Re-reading these entries reinforces they are getting better.
CR tell the truth to each other, and realize the healing benefits that accompany honesty. CR also know that a return to dishonesty not only ruptures trust but leads to dire consequences.
CR facilitate understanding by communicating their thoughts, feelings, needs and what may solve or resolve their issues in “real time” to each other respectfully and from a level playing field.
CR learn their mate’s love language (Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Appreciation, Gifts and Physical Touch) and make daily deposits of love into the relationship “bank.”
CR pray for God’s will to be done in their life and in their marriage on a daily basis. When they hear from God, to the best of their ability, they follow through on what is discerned.
CR work to manage and contain personality disorders that contaminate environments they are trying to heal. Behaviors and experiences that harm and traumatize are treated and reduced.
CR identify, own and reduce Karpman Triangle behaviors, because they understand that drama only created futility and discord, but never the healthy change they work for and desire.
CR identified, operate and live by values, mores, ethics, principles and boundaries that create healthy and loving practices and outcomes, as supported by their Functional Adult Ego State.
“Couples Who Recover” is an excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr. Ken McGill.
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