Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship.

Couples who Recover (“CR”) work hard to create safe moments and calm between them, because they realize their discussions facilitate solutions when they are in their adult ego state.

CR understand the importance and the opportunity afforded to them to rebuild a marriage, and do not underestimate nor shy away from the amount of work that rebuilding will take.

CR create opportunities to deliver Agape Love to one another. They grow in and practice this unique form of love until it is a characteristic of their life and commonplace in their marriage.

CR create a “gratitude notebook,” which is a record of behaviors they notice their partner doing, and wish to acknowledge. Re-reading these entries reinforces they are getting better.

CR tell the truth to each other, and realize the healing benefits that accompany honesty. CR also know that a return to dishonesty not only ruptures trust but leads to dire consequences.

CR facilitate understanding by communicating their thoughts, feelings, needs and what may solve or resolve their issues in “real time” to each other respectfully and from a level playing field.

CR learn their mate’s love language (Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Appreciation, Gifts and Physical Touch) and make daily deposits of love into the relationship “bank.”

CR pray for God’s will to be done in their life and in their marriage on a daily basis. When they hear from God, to the best of their ability, they follow through on what is discerned.

CR work to manage and contain personality disorders that contaminate environments they are trying to heal. Behaviors and experiences that harm and traumatize are treated and reduced.

CR identify, own and reduce Karpman Triangle behaviors, because they understand that drama only created futility and discord, but never the healthy change they work for and desire.

CR identified, operate and live by values, mores, ethics, principles and boundaries that create healthy and loving practices and outcomes, as supported by their Functional Adult Ego State.

If these suggestions are helpful to you, please click here to read “Recovering Couples Do Heal” Part 1 of 2 and Part 2 of 2.

Couples Who Recover” is an excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr. Ken McGill.

Please retweet or pass this post along to others if you think it would be of interest to them, and as time permits, please visit Daily Bread for Life for other information about personal growth.

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About Dr Ken McGill

Dr. Ken McGill is an ordained minister and has been involved in counseling for more than 25 years. Dr. McGill holds a Bachelor's degree in Religion from Pacific Christian College (now Hope International University), a Certificate of Completion in the Alcohol and Drug Studies/Counseling Program from the University of California at Los Angeles and a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Dr. McGill received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Psychology from Azusa Pacific University in May, 2003. Dr. McGill's dissertation focused on the development of an integrated treatment program for the sexually addicted homeless population, and Ken was "personally mentored" by dissertation committee member Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction work. Dr. McGill authored a chapter in the text The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction, with his chapter addressing the homeless and sex addiction. Dr. McGill is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the States of Texas and California and Mississippi, and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, through the International Institute for Trauma and Addictive Professionals (IITAP). Dr. McGill had a private practice in Glendora, CA (Aspen Counseling Center), Inglewood, CA (Faithful Central Bible Church), and Hattiesburg, MS (River of Life Church), specializing in the following areas with individuals, couples, families, groups and psychoeducational training: addictions and recovery, pre-marital, marital and family counseling, issues related to traumatization and abuse, as well as depression, grief, loss, anger management and men's and women's issues. Dr. McGill also provided psychotherapeutic treatment with Student-Athletes on the University of Southern Mississippi Football and Men's Basketball teams. Dr. McGill served as the Director of the Gentle Path Program, which is a seven-week residential program, for people who are challenged with sexual addiction, sexual anorexia, and relationship issues. Dr. McGill also supervised Doctoral students in the Southern Mississippi Psychology Internship Consortium with the University of Southern Mississippi. Dr. McGill was inducted into the Azusa Pacific University Academic Hall of Honor, School of Behavioral and Applied Sciences, in October, 2010. Dr. McGill currently works as a Private practice clinician with an office in Plano, Texas, providing treatment with people who are challenged in the areas mentioned above.

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