Thank you for reading Couples Who Recover (Part 1 of 2). Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship.

“Couples Who Recover” (“CR”) live by their identified values, which helps them to create boundaries that help them to not jeopardize but strengthen their recovery, which results in them becoming safe people.

CR make their personal and their collective recovery a priority, because experiencing and achieving health in the 7 Core Areas is how they choose to live.

CR have learned to “drill down” quickly to the real issue, the heart of the matter that is causing conflict between them. They ask questions, listen to answers and provide reasonable responses.

CR have found a way to curb the negative and harmful practice of defensive listening, and move toward the more productive practice of listening, then providing empathetic responses.

CR realize that God is in charge of the weather system (and not their spouse), and subsequently cease reacting to their spouse as if s(he) is a God who is to be appeased and served.

CR place their hand onto the wounds that hurt, and become very familiar with the pain, anguish and fear that still exists, and by virtue of their own recovery become wounded healers.

CR have looked hard at the issue of forgiveness, and have not doled it out cheaply, nor refused to forgive (Spring, 2006), but cherish and protect the peace that is attained with this great gift.

CR grow through their grief because they have nurtured their spirituality, worked their program, created safety, facilitated communication, solved problems and produced serenity.

CR don’t harm the mind, body and spirit of their mate. On the other hand, CRs labor to deliver love, safety, empathy, compassion, cooperation and devotion from their heart to their partner.

CR become friends and lovers again because they have laid aside wrathful behavior and practice what constitutes as peaceful behavior, transforming their hearts and their environments.

If not listed here, in what ways are you led to Protect Your Garden, by being a recovering couple that is in the process of healing? If you’d like, please leave a response or email Dr. McGill (drkenmcgill@live.com) to share your words of wisdom.

Reflection Questions for Recovering Couples Do Heal and Couples Who Recover Also…

  1. Which of these “best practices” currently exist in your relationship, and need to be celebrated?
  2. Which of these items need to be developed in your life or in your relationship, because they present to you an opportunity to grow and become more fruitful?
  3. Which of the “best practices” feel like they need to be a priority in your life right now? Why is this so?
  4. What changes and outcomes do you anticipate experiencing as a result of your focus on the best practices you chose?

If these suggestions are helpful to you, please click here to read “Recovering Couples Do Heal” Part 1 of 2 and Part 2 of 2.

Couples Who Recover” is an excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr. Ken McGill.

Please retweet or pass this post along to others if you think it would be of interest to them, and as time permits, please visit Daily Bread for Life for other information about personal growth.

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About Dr Ken McGill

Dr. Ken McGill is an ordained minister and has been involved in counseling for more than 25 years. Dr. McGill holds a Bachelor's degree in Religion from Pacific Christian College (now Hope International University), a Certificate of Completion in the Alcohol and Drug Studies/Counseling Program from the University of California at Los Angeles and a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. Dr. McGill received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Psychology from Azusa Pacific University in May, 2003. Dr. McGill's dissertation focused on the development of an integrated treatment program for the sexually addicted homeless population, and Ken was "personally mentored" by dissertation committee member Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction work. Dr. McGill authored a chapter in the text The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction, with his chapter addressing the homeless and sex addiction. Dr. McGill is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the States of Texas and California and Mississippi, and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, through the International Institute for Trauma and Addictive Professionals (IITAP). Dr. McGill had a private practice in Glendora, CA (Aspen Counseling Center), Inglewood, CA (Faithful Central Bible Church), and Hattiesburg, MS (River of Life Church), specializing in the following areas with individuals, couples, families, groups and psychoeducational training: addictions and recovery, pre-marital, marital and family counseling, issues related to traumatization and abuse, as well as depression, grief, loss, anger management and men's and women's issues. Dr. McGill also provided psychotherapeutic treatment with Student-Athletes on the University of Southern Mississippi Football and Men's Basketball teams. Dr. McGill served as the Director of the Gentle Path Program, which is a seven-week residential program, for people who are challenged with sexual addiction, sexual anorexia, and relationship issues. Dr. McGill also supervised Doctoral students in the Southern Mississippi Psychology Internship Consortium with the University of Southern Mississippi. Dr. McGill was inducted into the Azusa Pacific University Academic Hall of Honor, School of Behavioral and Applied Sciences, in October, 2010. Dr. McGill currently works as a Private practice clinician with an office in Plano, Texas, providing treatment with people who are challenged in the areas mentioned above.

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Daily Bread for Addressing Compulsion

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