“My ally is the force and a powerful ally it is.” Yoda to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back Thank you for reading… The Introductory post about Choosing Change, Choosing Change #1: Safe People, Safe Places and Safe Processes Choosing Change #2: So what’s my reasonable contribution to your change process? (Part […]
Thanks for reading… The Introductory post about Choosing Change, Choosing Change #1: Safe People, Safe Places and Safe Processes Choosing Change #2: So what’s my reasonable contribution to your change process? (Part 1 of 2) Choosing Change #3: So what’s my reasonable contribution to your change process? (Part 2 of 2) Choosing Change #4: Gardening with Intention […]
Thanks for reading… The Introductory post about Choosing Change, Choosing Change #1: Safe People, Safe Places and Safe Processes Choosing Change #2: So what’s my reasonable contribution to your change process? (Part 1 of 2) Choosing Change #3: So what’s my reasonable contribution to your change process? (Part 2 of 2) Choosing Change #4: Gardening with Intention […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post about Choosing Change, Choosing Change #1, Choosing Change #2, Choosing Change #3 and Choosing Change #4. In Choosing Change #2: Safe People, Safe Places and Safe Processes, we explored the need to create safe places within our person and within our relationships, because safety, whether its experienced intrapersonally (within yourself) […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post about Choosing Change, Choosing Change #1, Choosing Change #2 and Choosing Change #3. On most evenings after I graduated from Antioch University (1994) with my Masters in Clinical Psychology, I continued my daily study habits by sitting down at the kitchen table after dinner with no less than three […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post about Choosing Change, Choosing Change #1 and Choosing Change #2. In the previous post, Choosing Change #2: So what’s my reasonable contribution to your change process? (Part 1 of 2), I asked you to consider the question above and introduced a concept called the “66%-33% Solution.” With the 66% part […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post about Choosing Change and Choosing Change #1. So as a Psychotherapist, but more importantly, as a human being who cares about others, I’d like for you to consider the following question: What’s my (Dr. McGill’s) reasonable contribution to your change, healing and growth process? Embedded in this question are other questions: […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post in the Choosing Change series. If you’ve seen any of the Star Wars™ movies more than likely you’ll remember the scene depicted in the photo above from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. Obi-Wan Kenobi has just rescued an injured Luke Skywalker from the dreaded sand people and R2-D2, […]
Let me welcome you to a series of posts that I’m calling “Choosing Change.” I’m writing about this subject for multiple reasons, but primarily because I wish to provide you with my thoughts regarding how we change, what helps us to change, what impedes our change and how to sustain positive change in order to develop, grow […]
I started working as a Staff Psychotherapist at the University Counseling Center at Azusa Pacific University when my daughter was 5 and my son was a one-year old. My wife and I can’t believe that next year he’ll be heading off to a college campus, which is where many of you, as a student or […]
I awakened with these lyrics playing in my mind: “It is finished, He has done it, life conquered death, Jesus Christ, has done it!” It’s no doubt that people have been praying for Leslie, Gabriel and I as today marks the 8th year since Marissa went home to be with Jesus, and in the processed […]
I was introduced to this book by Dr. John Powell during my Sophomore year in College in a class called Personality Development. Little did I know at the time that it would have a profound impact on my life and I can safely say on the lives of countless others who I have met through […]
I think I’m finally getting the hang of this…this dancing thing, ah, dancing with emotions that is. What I mean by this is I figured out that I need to take care of the right brain before I move in with the left brain. Right brain processing tends to deal with the emotions and the […]
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” – Proverbs 16:24 (TNIV) Thanks for reading the six previous posts about Empathy (Introduction, Empathy #1, Empathy #2, Empathy #3, Empathy #4 and Empathy #5). In what will in all likelihood be the final post on Empathy in this series, I wish […]
Thanks for reading the five previous posts about Empathy (Introduction, Empathy #1, Empathy #2, Empathy #3 and Empathy #4). A few days ago, my wife, son and I were watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on the Cooking Channel™. I mentioned to my son that shortly after we were married some 25 years ago, his Mom and […]
“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care” – Zig Ziglar’s adaptation of President Theodore Roosevelt’s quote Thanks for reading the four previous posts about Empathy (Introduction, Empathy #1, Empathy #2 and Empathy #3). Regardless of where you first heard the quote, the fact of the matter is that it is true. […]
Thanks for reading the three previous posts about Empathy (Introduction, Empathy #1 and Empathy #2). Whether you have used the words in the title of this post in a prayer to your Higher Power or if you’ve conveyed the words to your spouse or partner, seeking to understand the condition of the heart of another is a prime […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post about Empathy and Empathy #1: Visit the Gallery of the Heart. And now, time for a short lesson that combines Biology, Psychology and Theology. The Ancient Greeks (and contemporary Neurobiology; Chart #3) thought your Viscera (your internal organs such as your heart, stomach, liver, kidneys, intestines, reproductive system, etc.) is where […]
Thanks for reading the Introductory post about Empathy, but now I have a question for you. When was the last time you visited an art gallery and viewed the treasured pieces of art that were displayed? If you remember your last visit, and if you recall the time you took to walk through the halls and […]
I have wanted to look at Empathy and the actions that flow from this healing behavior for a long time now. In the work that I do as a Therapist, but also by just trying to be empathetic as a human being, I think Empathy is one of the kindest and most profound of all expressions that […]
Thanks for reading the two previous posts, “So what did you learn at your conference?” (Day 1 of 3) and (Day 2 of 3), which highlighted what I learned at the 21st Annual Counseling Skills conference in Dallas, Tx, over September 24th – 26th. As mentioned in the previous posts, I wanted to share a few […]
Thanks for reading the previous post, “So what did you learn at your conference?” (Day 1 of 3), which highlighted what I learned at the 21st Annual Counseling Skills conference in Dallas, Tx, over September 24th – 26th. As mentioned in the first post, I wanted to share a few of the helpful things I […]
I attended the 21st Annual Counseling Skills Conference in Dallas this past week (Sept. 24th – 26th) and I wanted to share a few of the helpful things I picked up and learned from the speakers. My hope is to integrate these points into my life personally and professionally, and my hope is that you may […]
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” – Psalm 139:23-24 (TNIV) In Hall of Fame Insight to Overcome Addiction (Part 1 of 2), we looked at how other people and processes […]
Welcome back NFL! As I was watched the Professional Football Hall of Fame induction ceremonies last night, this post came to mind (and thank you Hall of Famer Charles Haley for encouraging teammates to get help when they need it!): Vince Lombardi was probably one of the greatest Head Football Coaches in the history of […]
Thank you for reading “Who Influenced You? Exploring your Purpose and Legacy” (Part 1 of 3 and Part 2 of 3). In this post I wanted to share about a few of the “appointed” people in my life who were sent by God to help me to be a good, productive and purposeful human being. […]
Thank you for reading “Who Influenced You? Exploring your Purpose and Legacy” (Part 1 of 3). In this follow up post, have you ever considered who may have been “appointed” to you, because they have been a positive, influential, character driven, principled, role model in your past? Even if your encounters with that person(s) were […]
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11 (TNIV) You know that you were created for something other than to misplace your passion, and subsequently, to not achieve your purpose in […]
Thank you for reading Couples Who Recover (Part 1 of 2). Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship. “Couples Who Recover” (“CR”) live by their identified values, which helps them to create boundaries that help them […]
Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship. Couples who Recover (“CR”) work hard to create safe moments and calm between them, because they realize their discussions facilitate solutions when they are in their adult ego […]
Thank you for reading Recovering Couples Do Heal (Part 1 of 2). Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship. Recovering Couples (“RC”) embrace and grow as spiritual people, and draw heavily on inspirational literature, music, […]
Below are a few characteristics and practices that Recovering Couples consider important and helpful as they work toward becoming stronger people who are creating a stronger relationship. Recovering Couples (“RC”) surrender efforts at trying to change their partner for their personal benefit, but do seek to change the person which they can control – themselves. […]
Dr Ken McGill’s Cultivating Love Books on Amazon Cultivating Love When Secrets Surface is a book in the Cultivating Love book series, and is an in-depth exploration of how to deal with the discovery of unfaithfulness, with insight and practical exercises to help you make safe, informed and healthy choices regarding what direction you wish to […]
With the practice of these Empowering E’s you have safely arrived on the shore and have escaped the danger of the Killer D’s! Thanks for reading the Introduction to the Killer D’s and the Empowering E’s (Part 1 of 3) and the definitions of the Killer D’s in (Part 2 of 3). In this post, we […]
In the Introduction to the Killer D’s and the Empowering E’s (Part 1 of 3), we briefly looked at how the practice of these specific words that begin with the letter “D” tend to derail or “kill off” communication, connection and intimacy, within ourselves and in relationships that are important to us (Spouse, Children, Parents, […]
Something deep within tells me this just isn’t going to end very well. Would you agree? And so it is with the use of “The Killer D’s” (to be offset by the Empowering E’s). The Killer D’s are words that begin with the letter “D” and describe processes that I see in my counseling office […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) Prize is one of the 10 descriptors of Agape, the unique form of love that our Higher Power helps us to develop for our personal benefit and subsequently to be freely, maturely and respectfully demonstrated with others Prize (Brabeion and Stephanos – NT): […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) Recorded below are some thoughts on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. I suggest these to you right now because in light of what you both have experienced, love has been and will always be the answer, the goal, the destination, the focus and the solution. […]
(This excerpt is taken from Addiction Saboteurs – Slips, Relapses and My Course Correction in Cultivating Love: Finishing Strong by Dr Ken McGill) What follows are some suggestions for you to consider implementing if you have been experiencing slips or relapses in your life. Please, take what you can use and pass this along to […]
(This excerpt is taken from Addiction Saboteurs – Slips, Relapses and My Course Correction in Cultivating Love: Finishing Strong by Dr Ken McGill) The purpose of this assignment is to identify the thoughts, feelings, behavior and situations that may arise in your life that could lead to a Slip or a Relapse. A Slip (often called […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love and Renewal by Dr Ken McGill) As with any work you do, you will need to take breaks. Becoming skilled at loving yourself and others infers that you will demonstrate patience, which is beautifully captured in the picture above. Being patient, which I remind you is a cultivated skill originally […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love and Renewal by Dr Ken McGill) The tools we use to grow love are many and varied in use and in function. We become aware of our need to have tools when adverse situations arise in our life (affairs, loss and grief, boundary failures, traumatization, etc.), or in times of […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love and Renewal by Dr Ken McGill) Each person has 7 primary “rows” or life areas in the garden of their life, in which some form of work is to be done each day. The rows are simply labeled Spiritual, Cognitive, Emotional, Physical/Biological, Sexual, Social/Relational and finally Environmental. Each day, we […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love and Renewal by Dr Ken McGill) It all starts right here…with the soil. If anything is going to grow it begins with the energy that is available in the soil to begin the transformation. We will grow something. Biblical Insight: Transformation begins with the 3 things not created by Man, […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) If you have one hour to live, how would you wish to spend this sacred time? How would you treat your enemies? Would you even have enemies? How would you treat your family and friends? How would you treat those that you may […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Growing Character by Dr Ken McGill) Cultivating Love Growing Character is the fifth book in the Cultivating Love series and is actually a revised excerpt from Cultivating Love Renewal (Book 1), Cultivating Love Finishing Strong (Book 3) and Cultivating Love When Secrets Surface (Book 4). Growing Character is released as […]
A Quick Reference guide to help you move from relationship conflict to relationship renewal (An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill) (This version provides biblical insight to help you move from relationship conflict to relationship renewal) “RESET” R: Remove yourselves from each other. Call a Time Out! “May the Lord answer […]
A Quick Reference guide to help you move from relationship conflict to relationship renewal (An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill) “RESET” R: Remove yourselves from each other. Call a Time Out! Calling a time out for 20 minutes, 2 hours or up to 24 hours is crucial to allow you […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) “Teacher, we know you are a man of Integrity (Alethes; also the word for Truth)” Matthew 22: 16 (NIV) God also places great value in our ability to integrate knowledge or what we have learned “into a whole” (like we are assembling puzzle […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) God places great value and importance on us gaining and growing in knowledge, insight, perception, and understanding of Him, ourselves, our spouses, others and of course, about our behaviors and the impact of our behaviors (positive and negative) upon others. The definitions, “targets” […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) (Excerpted from Section Two: Assessing the Soil). This section is about engaging in work that helps you to examine your heart, your behavior, and to see, hear and understand how your behavior has traumatized and deeply wounded your spouse (whether intentional or unintentional […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Renewal by Dr Ken McGill) The picture above is a “snapshot” of your 7 Core Areas, based on a passage in the Bible in which we derive the “Two Greatest Commandaments” (Luke 10:25–28; see Part 1 of 2 for this scripture). We are encouraged to provide care to our 7 […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Renewal by Dr Ken McGill) “On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “What is replied in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered: ‘Love the Lord your God with […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) “Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up” — James 4: 9–10 (NIV). I wrote this paragraph during the Christmas Holidays of 2012, and I wrote it with […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface from Dr Ken McGill) Recorded here are some thoughts based in I Corinthians 13 as you consider the subject of recovering from infidelity. My thoughts about this passage of scripture and my comments are not meant to simplify the issue nor persuade you to make an quick, […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill) A few tips to help you and your spouse create effective communication Listening occurs when… 1. …I silence the rebuttal going on in my head and cease listening defensively. 2. …I ask questions that help me to perceive, to know and to become familiar […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill) A few tips to help you and your spouse create effective communication Speaking occurs when… 1. …I remember that the person that I am speaking to is not the enemy. 2. …I remember the reason I am speaking is to make things better. 3. […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Finishing Strong by Dr Ken McGill) Do you remember the word Epithumia (defined at the end of the article), one of the five Greek words for Love? Well, there is additional insight for us to attain as we explore this word, which could prove to be pivotal in your overall […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) It’s hot, concentrated and has been under pressure. It’s earthy and may be bitter, sour, strong or sweet. If handled incorrectly, or misplaced, it could burn, but if managed well and accurately placed, this could be one of the best gifts you give […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Growing Character by Dr Ken McGill) In light of the comments made on the “Choices – Find …Yourself” document, I would love for you to read and integrate the scripture below to inform your study and support the comments with the outcome being your continued growth and personal transformation (2 […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Growing Character by Dr Ken McGill) I call this handout CHOICES, and in reading it I hope that you are simply reminded that you do have the ability to make healthy choices for yourself regarding the destination, the quality of life and to a large degree, the outcomes that you […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) 2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill) When your communication becomes stalled in conflict and impasses and misunderstanding develop between the two of you, calling a “Time-Out” in order to repair the breakdown could be an effective strategy to help the two of you to get back on track with what you […]
(An excerpt from Cultivating Love: Enhancing Communication by Dr Ken McGill) What follows are some simple suggestions to assist you and your partner to respectfully resolve any conflict that is currently creating an impasse between the two of you. A Attack the issue and not the person. Remember, the other person is not your enemy, […]
“What’s in Your Tool Belt?” (An excerpt from Cultivating Love: When Secrets Surface by Dr Ken McGill) At any given time you will want to have your tool belt on in order to quickly and successfully work on and eventually resolve any problem that pops up that may threaten your progress. What follows below are […]